I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
