I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Still dying that you shit outside
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize