I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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