Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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