How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
