The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
