Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
