haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
