why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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