last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
