Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
