what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
