im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize