She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize