You just made me feel so damn special
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
