did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
