So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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