i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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