also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
