you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
