i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
