I just made out with a guy for $7.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize