So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
