i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
this just has baby written all over it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
