I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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