I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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