I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize