Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
