Swine flu. Run for my life!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
