he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize