he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize