Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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