I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize