Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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