so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
