You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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