with your own penis?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
