Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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