I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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