My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
