WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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