yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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