dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
