if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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