Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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