how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize