You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
