we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
