My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
