Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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