He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
