Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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