My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
