I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
