My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
