yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
