Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize