I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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