I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
