So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Let's paint friendship bongs
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
