Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
