His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
